The safe word enigma

According to a recent survey, 40% of spankees have a safe word to hand, in order to stop a session that is getting too painful.   And half of them have used it at least once in their spanking adventures.

Which, at first sight, seems rather odd.   The reason spankers get spank spankees is because the spankee has given permission for the spanking to take place.   Even in the most rigorous dom/sub relationship, the sub is a willing partner, or you probably have grounds for legal action in the face of such physical abuse.

Most spankers spend their entire time on giving their partner the spanking that they really want to get.   A sort of "baby-bear" approach of not too soft, not too hard, just right.   There is a learning curve, possibly for both participants, where the earlier spankings are far milder in strength and length than the later ones that scratch the spanko itch to just the right degree.

So it should be no problem for the spanker to spot that the spankee is not enjoying them-self and to adjust accordingly.

And that is the case in the majority of cases.

The first exception is that not all spankos are spankos.   Some of them are sadists who are willing, with this partner, for now, to restrict their pain giving to the general area of the backside.   (Spankos are not sadists - we'll discuss that in a later post).    If you are getting your bottom reamed by a sadist, you better have a safe word to hand - for every sign of not enjoying the experience increases the sadist's pleasure.   To such an extent that there is a large amount of anecdotal evidence that ignoring safe words is all part of a sadist's joy.

The second is that not all spankees get their kicks from the same triggers.   75% of spankees got their fascination way before puberty, and for them, the tingle in the bottom is directly linked to the libido.   Being the majority, they are the ones we are most familiar with, and we can tune the spanking to make it as pleasurable as possible for them.   The minority got hooked late in life:  and the most plausible explanation is that the endorphins released when pain is experienced triggers the pleasure - "sub-space" as it is often called.   For these, the initial whacks are quite unpleasant, and then the buzz starts.   Only some times it does not.   The safe word is the equivalent of an ejector seat to get out of a situation that is not going well.

And then some times we play roles to that are supposed to make the whole game even more fun.   The archetypal is School Teacher/Naughty Student in which an indignant cane wielder whacks away because of an F grade or whatever.  There are others, hundreds of others, role playing scenarios - that can go all the way to whips and chains.   A pretense of being unwilling is allowed to be preeminent.   So now if the recipient starts squirming and yelling,  it could be part of the act, or it could be time to ease up.   Hence the safe word comes into play to say "goddamit - this is really hurting" or whatever, when it is the later.

Safe words come into use when one cannot rely on trust alone to stop a spanking that has gone too far.

And if you don't have a safe word, all spankos will always respect and respond instantly to "Enough."