Z is for Zwounds

We authors sometimes allow ourselves to fall into the trap of using technically correct words regardless of what our users may have in their vocabulary, or using obscure words for the sole purpose of revealing the meaning of them.

For example. if I had a tale that was set in North West England, I might construct a sentence that reads "The house stood on the bonking overlooking the River Mersey."   After poring through lexicons of regional dialect, one or more readers might exclaim "Gosh Dave, you used a local word that describes a low hill side on one side of a plateau, not one of pair that make up a valley - wow, you is my hero of wordsmithpersonship."   Yeah - right.

But such usage happens.   One of our colleagues came up with "nates" in a context that clearly showed the word is a synonym of "buttocks".   Nates?   That author had presumably plumbed obscure, ancient dictionaries so as to tickle our delight by coming up with a brand new (to us) but totally authentic alternative to "bottom".   And we were expected to be delighted, not snorting with derision.

The other time we are tempted to use an obscure word is that we have learned what it really means, and which to share our gleaned knowledge with a wider audience.

Let me explain further.   In the times of the Cavaliers and Roundheads battling out a civil war in the UK, it became the custom of those days to use the body parts of the divine as swear words.   "God's body" for example.   And "God's teeth" for another.

Such profanity was not fit for polite society, so the initial "G" got dropped.   'ods body and 'ods teeth was far, far milder.   (segue:  "Oddsbodikins" transcribes as "God's little body" - I bet you didn't know that.)

And then to make it even milder, the "od" got censored as well, leaving us with a mild cuss still in use today: "Steeth"

Zwounds started out as "God's Wounds" and became "'Ods wounds" which morphed into "Swounds" and then inexplicably into "Zwounds".   And there you have it: a medieval cuss word laid bare after such clinical dissection.

You may be so enraptured with your new knowledge that you want to set up some dialogue in your next tale so that you can share it with your readership.   You know the sort of thing:  "Professor, put that cane down for a moment and do tell me what the word Zwounds really means ..."

Don't do it.   Your readers really don't give a damn that you have obscure regional dialect at your fingertips or have the ability to explain the etymology of any and every word your characters come to utter.   All they care about is that the spanking that is being set up in your introduction gets delivered in luscious detail.  Go back to basics and keep it simple.   Not stupidly so, but enough to keep your reader apace with your plot.

If you really have a need to explain the origin of the word Zwounds, save it for the last article in a series of 26 that go through every letter of the alphabet.  Then you might get away with it.

(Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible - (advt.)).