Q is for Question

Spankos are very secretive about their fondness for spankings.    Some of us have never told anyone, not a single soul, about our liking - ever.   And I am talking big numbers:  20% or more are that reticent.

When asked, Spankos keep it to themselves for they say in surveys that they think that those without our taste will look on us as perverts in need of medical treatment and that we are a danger to children

So, part of the LSF spanking survey allowed "vanilla" participants to answer a very short survey designed to answer the question "What do you really think of us?"   The number of respondents to the survey who stated that they are of a vanilla persuasion is not large enough to be totally reliable.   But since every single one answered some questions in an identical manner, we should look at them as setting some sort of trend.

Here are the questions, and responses, set to the vanilla community who took part:

Are you male or female?
Male	40.00%
Female	53.33%
Prefer not to say	6.67%
How old are you?
Under 30	26.67%
Between 30 and 40	13.33%
Between 40 and 50	33.33%
Over 50	26.67%
Were you spanked as a child?
Never	13.33%
Rarely	53.33%
Often	20.00%
Very often	13.33%
If you had to make a guess, how many times do think Spankos got spanked when they were kids?
Never	0.00%
Rarely	35.71%
Often	50.00%
Very often	14.29%
Again, if you had to make a guess, at what age do you think most Spankos first get fascinated by spankings?
Before Puberty	20.00%
At Puberty	26.67%
Between puberty and 20	26.67%
Between 20 - 40	6.67%
Over the age of 40	0.00%
No idea at all	20.00%
In general, which of the following statements apply to spankos?
I cannot understand them	7.14%
They are very nice people	28.57%
They are perverts	0.00%
They need medical or psychiatric treatment	0.00%
They are harmless	14.29%
They are a danger to children	0.00%
They are like everyone else	78.57%
They are fun people	7.14%
If it is consensual between adults, that's OK	57.14%

So - while they might not understand us, every single one disagreed with the statement that we are perverts, that we need treatment and that we are a danger to children.    And I personally take great comfort in that.

However, the number of respondents is quite small.   If you can assist in getting the vanilla community to weigh in on the topic, you could always use this link.    It is the same one that contains the spanking survey, but an early question splits the respondents to their own sections.

P is for Pilmsoll

A plimsoll is a sort of old fashioned Gym shoe - with a flat, rubber sole.

Gosh, that is very interesting, Dave - but so what? I hear you ask.


According to some surveys, the plimsoll and its more modern cousin, the carpet slipper, are weapons of choice when it comes to whaling a partner's backside.   It is a hangover from post-WW2 Britain, when the plimsoll was the main weapon of rank and file school teachers.   The cane tended to be for more serious offenses, and in some schools restricted to the Headmaster/mistress and his/her deputy.   So your class master, to keep order and decorum, would often rely on a plimsoll to aid in keeping order.

The thing about the plimsoll is that when used as a simple spanking implement - straight back and to like a hand or even a paddle - it is extremely mild indeed.    It takes a great deal of effort to infuse a deeper shade of pink using one in this manner.

But in the hands of a master - or a mistress even - it can deliver a sting of exquisite sharpness and an instant band of deep red.   It is all in the manner of delivery.

The expert does not swing backwards and forwards like a paddle.   The delivery is a sweeping swipe, from right to left, across the buttocks so that the flat rubber has an effect similar to "Chinese Burn".   And strokes delivered in this manner are extremely painful:  jumping up and down from foot to foot while blinking back tears of disbelief from the impact of a single whack - that sort of extremely painful.

So - should you come across an old fashioned plimsoll, and add it to your collection - do take care how you actually use it.   If your partner is expecting a set of playful pats and gets a blistered backside instead, you might have a lot of explaining to do.

For Safe, Sane and Consensual are our watchwords.    A plimsoll might very unexpectedly find you on the wrong side of that dividing line.

O is for Over The Knee

I haven't looked, but I would not be surprised if the majority of my fellow A-Z bloggers chose Over The Knee for their letter O.

Over the knee spankings have a special niche in our style of life.   I suspect that it is the most popular real life spanking method:  the intimacy of close body contact, the stimulation of bare hand on bare bottom and the sheer unscripted spontaneity of it all makes for a delightful experience.   And a rather special form of foreplay.

But as spanking authors, such instant fun makes it a method of spanking that seldom turns up in our works of fiction.   Those bloggers who recount their real life spanking adventures often relate over the knee sessions with their partners:  but those who specialize in spanking fiction tend to shy away from it.

This possibly because spanking erotica lends itself best to the ritual and the sting that comes from some dreaded implement, not from a quick romp around the bed covers.

A real life OTK can last for ages and ages:  gentle slaps that arouse a pinkness slowly and bringing a deep personal satisfaction:  trying to capture such a session in print would involve much repetition.   The real life experience does not lend itself to prose, for constant repetition - on the page - is more likely to bore than to titillate.

With an over the knee spanking, there is no lengthy anticipation, no formal submission to accept the coming ordeal, no bondage, no whips, no chains.   Props that make fiction more intense, even if rarely - if never - part of one's actual bedroom activity.

So we have what must be the spanko author's greatest enigma:   the most enjoyable real life spankings are the very worst for including in spanking fiction.

Which really is very curious, don't you think?

N is for Narrative

Writing conversations can be tricky - and their are a number of points of style and usage you should keep in mind.

The first is getting the text to read like the spoken word sounds.   "I have not." might look OK, but "I haven't" sounds better. Routinely search your text to turn 'I will' into 'I'll' and so on.  'Can't' might not be a proper word in the purist's lexicon, but in narrative it is far superior to 'cannot'.

Secondly, beware of using dialogue to tell the reader what the protagonists already know.   I shall make up a bad example so you know what to avoid:  "Hello Samantha, my wife of 25 stormy years.   Are you still doubting the wisdom of taking that management position when other better qualified candidates now have to report to you?"   OK - a bit over the top, but we all fall into the trap of getting people to tell each other things they both know to fill the reader in on what it is going on.   It often works well - just make sure it works well when you actually use the technique.

The way we write dialogue has changed over the years.    Again, I'll make up a piece in the style that was in vogue in the 1930's and 40's:

"Are you angry with me?" Samantha asked nervously.

"I am absolutely furious with you!" David snarled contemptuously.

"Oh.   You are not going to beat me?" she whispered piously.

"I shall cut you to shreds!" he roared angrily.

The new style is to cut out all words that could be synonyms with "said" and to cut out all those -ly style adjectives.  And, if it helps move the plot forwards, to give some descriptive text so that the reader can work out the emotion for himself or herself.

The above exchange could, nowadays, be written as:

"Are you angry with me?"   Samantha pressed herself against the chair back in front of her, and tried to keep the tremor in her leg in check.

"I'm absolutely furious with you!"   David tore the offending letter in half, smashed it into a tightly packed ball and flung it into the fireplace.

"Oh.  You're not going to beat me ,,,"   Words said in a hushed whisper, so quiet he was not supposed to hear them.

.He stood up, strode across to the mantel and picked up the riding crop.   He turned and faced her.   "Beat you?  I'm going cut your hide to shreds for this." 

I don't offer the second version as a masterpiece of literaly style: it is just a case study to show the differences between the old way and the new.

However, sometimes you simply have to have a "he said" or similar, just to remind the reader where we are in the to and fro of an exchange of ideas when it is not blindingly obvious who is saying what.   And when we have a three-way, or more, dialogue, we are simply forced to identify each speaker in turn.   But evern then do try to avoid the adjectives if you can,  If you want to be in the modern style, that is.    And even the modern fashion will change over time:  another good reason for reading the works of other authors.

Do take very good care if you write historical pieces of a serious nature.   I once had a Cromwellian soldier say "I don't know".  You would not believe how many contacted me to say that  one of
Cromwell's troops could not have possibly said that.   "I know not" was the syntax of the day and "I don't know" did not evolve until a century or more later.   If you want your dialog to ring true to all readers, you need do your homework first.   There is a huge army of linguist purists out there.

Finally, the best advice I can give is read your dialogue aloud - yes, really - read it aloud (but out of the earshot of others).   You will quickly spot verbalizations thatt do not right ture.    And that is about 95% of the battle. 

.

M is for McLintock

The film McLintock bought to the big screen a truly authentic spanking scene (and one faked one as well).

When John Wayne's character (George Washington McLintock) whaled Maureen O'Hara's rump with a small flat shovel, he really did spank her.   Maureen reported that it could not have been any other way, and that her butt was "black and blue" for more than two weeks after.  Well, it was a Western with "Taming of the Shrew" overtones - Maureen's character was even named Kate.

And when Maggie Gyllenhaal got spanked in Secretary, she also agreed to take a real walloping rather than fake it.   What she had not allowed for was that by the time the shoot was over, the scene had been shot 15 times (from various angles) and she found that her rump got steadfastly more sore as the day wore on.

Jenny Maxwell always said that her spanking at the hands of Elvis Presley - In blue Hawaii -  really hurt : her dress was wet from just leaving the sea which made the slaps sting more - but her co-star was extremely reticent on how much effort he had put into it.

Over at the other extreme of on-screen spankings, Keira Knightly reportedly had to have a couple of ounces of booze just to be able to have a camera record someone pretending to belt her bottom.    It would not have been possible for her to stand the emotional nightmare of pretending to like be spanked without the prop of alcohol to lessen the trauma.   (Do I detect a hint of "the lady dost protest too much" in her publicity?)

But, the truth be known, Keira's position is more common in film land than we spankos like to pretend is the case.   Helena did not actually feel a single swat, despite her pretty tears and yelps in Lady Jane.   Holy Aird did not get caned or beaten with a sjambok in Happy Valley - despite being cast in other movies that had her on the wrong end of a thrashing or two.

Indeed, a number of directors faced with spanking action in a script take the easy way out, and have it off-screen (but within ear shot) so they can be true to the script without having to risk any real bruising taking place.   The belting Brook Shields was scripted to get in Pretty Baby was as savage as anything ever portrayed:  the strap tore the seat out her night dress.   Having the deed done in a closed door shed, and allowing her to defiantly cry "It didn't hurt at all!" after it was all over, softened everything down and avoided a long drawn out battle with the censors.

I personally thing main stream movies would improve markedly if spanko script writers were allowed to add more plausible dialogue, and genuine spanko actresses found to fill the more important roles.

I still cannot get over that we saw a double in Nymphomaniac, and that it was not really Charlotte Gainsborough's bottom that was getting thoroughly slapped with a riding crop.    We really need to take action if we are going to put an end to all this Tommy-rot.    And I am reasonably certain that the Duke would be on our side.   Let's see if McLintock can still ride the range.

L is for Lust

Spanking is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs ever discovered - well, at least for us spankos it is.

And we have contemplated more than once that the standard base plot of our style of fiction is set up, execution, aftermath.   All our concern about the set up is that it is believable, and the execution is that the pale moons turn to the exact shade of crimson that denotes perfectly cooked buns.

The aftermath can be as un-erotic as corner time (for those who do not find corner time to be a turn on), as simple as quiet contemplation, or the onset of wild, un-abandoned lust of a heady and bodice ripping nature.

If you have not been down this route before, you have to make an early decision as to which style of erotica you are going to stay with.   If your early stuff is gentile euphemisms and then you suddenly unleash a stream of stream of conscious dirty-talk on your audience, you will really tick them off.   And those who revel in s.o.c. dirty talk have long dismissed you as an author of interest:  so even that group will not make good the mass exodus of readers you have just lost.

I suggest that in this specific area you do actually write for yourself:  even though everywhere else I have counseled you to put your audience first.   For, putting this as delicately as I can - if you are personally uncomfortable when presented with a string of four lettered cuss words, you will never be able to write them with any degree of ease.   And it will show through.

On the other hand, if "she felt her whole body strain in expectation of him taking her as he wanted..." leaves you squirming - then don't write that sort of stuff!

When writing the spanko part of your story, you have an audience who share a very significant trait with you:  but when you branch off into erotica, you have as many different potential audiences as they are ways of describing how two people satiate the sexual desires.

There are, at base, three different tracks.   Polite euphemisms, clinical descriptions, wild abandon descriptions.   The first does not directly mention body parts by namee, the second uses the "correct" medical terminology for them, and the third makes use of raw and bawdy language to paint the picture.

Each will work very effectively for some readers, and not for others.   So once you decide to indulge in a spot of purple prose, pick the shade you like and carry with you those readers who have the same taste as you.    Each to their own, as they say elsewhere about something completely different.

K is for Kindle

By far the greatest retailer of e-books is Amazon by way of its Kindle operation.

And you should always consider self-publishing on Kindle - for there is no charge to do so and you get a royalty for every copy purchased by the public at large.

There are some traps to avoid.

If you do not want, or cannot afford, professional editing of your draft manuscript, you will have to turn your .doct into an old fashioned .doc and make it fit for e-publishing.   This can be a lengthy process, depending upon how many e-publishing formatting rules you unwittingly broke while churning out that draft.   But your helpful e-publisher might be able to help when you load your files:  auto text checking takes place.

The Kindle automatic text vetting system does not pick up very much more than spelling mistakes.   You might consider setting up a Smashwords account (it is free) and using their auto vetter to eliminate all major format errors.   Newbie authors love indenting lines with the tab key and separating paragraphs with the enter key:  both techniques tell some publishing systems to do odd things with the format.   Smashwords makes you take them all out - every single one - so that your text is readable on all devices.  The first time takes so long you make sure that future works enter into the system far more cleaner.

Kindle insists that you only have one account with them.   And each account can only have one bank account to receive the royalties you earn.    And you are not supposed to share your account details with any third party:  all in all it is very tricky to have a partnership  unless you, and they, turn a blind eye.   An account has to have a unique email address, a unique bank account and a unique tax id in order for it to be unique.   Creative people have found ways to provide all three, to the complete satisfaction of all concerned.

Kindle will offer you special deals in exchange for having exclusive rights to publish your book, each deal being a full 90 days with no time off for good behavior.   And this is really simple math:  if you are only using Kindle, you would be mad not to take the special offer.    And if you have multiple outlets, you should totally avoid it:   you might get some extra cash from Amazon, but will have to give up all other book sales by way of compensation.

When it comes setting a price for your work, there are some boundaries you should be aware of.   Kindle is happy with works between $1.99 and $9.99 - they will give you 70% of the take as a royalty.   But between $9.99 and $200.00 you can only have 35%.    Over $200.00 and you are back at 70% again.   So unless you have a really perverse trust in your best lucky number, make he price $9.99 or less - or over $19.98   Once the price gets over $19.98 a 35% royalty is larger than a 70% royalty on a $9.99 work.

If any of this requires deeper explanation, do drop me a line.   After you have dropped in on Kathy to see what she has chosen for her K topic.

J is for Jester

There are not a great number of ancient documents regarding Jesters, so what we do know about them has to be pieced together.

In distant times, it is recorded that persons of very low natural intelligence (sometime known as "Village Idiots") were seen as being blessed by the gods, and were freely allowed to say things that were not allowed to be said by others.

The concept passed over to two groups of highly intelligent people:  professional household staff who were employed to entertain the lord and lady, and assist in rearing their children - and independent groups who toured as troubadours to make their living entertaining the populace at large.   And, as far as we can tell, in medieval England, the numbers were equally divided between male and female jesters.   The clearest indication we have is just one single historical document that recorded a census of household staff, and it recorded almost as many female jesters as male ones.

But it makes sense that  intelligent ladies would want to be jesters:  among their duties were singing, inventing stories to amuse young children, and act as a sort of bellwether in household and inter-household politicking of the day.  Tasks well suited to clever ladies, who had no real opportunity to find employment that would give full rein to their talents.

The easiest way to distinguish the professional jester from village idiots, was that the former, to a man (and woman) were shaven bald.  Hence the pied hat to protect the gleaming pate from the sun and from scorn.  But in fiction, we do not have to be that slavish to fact, and we may use our poetic license to endow our females with long flowing locks, if that is what we wish.

"This is all very fascinating, Dave, "I hear you say:  "But what on earth has it got to do with spankdom?"

A good question.   So here is the reveal:

The most frequently member of the household staff who went to the whipping post or birching block was the jester.  By far.  They were famed for the number of beatings they got in their professional careers.

Their quick tongues, and constant urging to be more outrageous, led them to an excess of invective that could only by atoned by a short, sharp, painful reminder to know where the line that should not be crossed was drawn.   (That last sentence is a tad poor on syntax, but you get the point).

Which means that we have a rich medieval source for investigating the power play between Dukes, Earls and their hapless (for me, female) jesters and the dance those jesters sometimes endured.   Have a look at No Jesting Matter if you would like to see what I did with the notion.   And if you need a kick of inspiration, do see what your muse can come up with on this track.

I is for Inspiration

You cannot rely on your muse to give you a never-ending supply of plots and plot twists:  muses seem to have their own agendas, which, as far as I can tell, includes long sabbaticals of vacations that leave you staring at your keyboard aghast at the lack of any words to type.

Sometimes our muse does work overtime on our behalf:  more than once I have woken with a complete short story sitting fresh in my mind, just waiting to be transcribed into word processed text.   Almost like a reader, simply following along what is predestined to happen.

But that is rare.   Two or three times for me, so far.

So what can one do to break spanker writer's block?

Personally, I find the photo-blogs to be a fine source of stimulating the creative juices.   It really does not matter which blog you use - they all seem to cycle through the same stock of photographs. 

The central core of a spanking story is the set up, execution and aftermath of one or more spankings.   To make the set up credible, we may need to provide background structure and believable motives.   Once we have got the miscreant spankee ready, the whopping itself rarely causes us problems.   And if the set up is believable and the spanking effective, the aftermath is often written on wordsmith auto-pilot, if you get my drift.

So - pick a photo that in some way intrigues you:  and try to explain what is happening.   Whose bottom is that?   And why is it getting whopped in that particular manner?   Work backwards to the events immediately prior to the spanking, and then backwards from there to how the whole think got set up in the first place.   One of my favorite characters - Megan - first saw the light of day by me using this exact process.

And sometimes the photo doesn't even have to be about spanking to set you off.   I once saw an ancient black and white photo of a uniformed young woman escorting a blond nude to some (off screen) location.   And in trying to explain to myself what might be going on, a whole novella about a Russian serf mixing it with cossacks and aristocrats rose out of the mist.   Ironically, the scene in the photo didn't actually happen in the tale - a more informal whopping took its place.

I suppose using photos  is a variation of "one picture is worth a thousand words."   So - there's a picture - now go and provide the thousand words it is equal to.

Another useful technique is to re-read your own old stuff.   This sometimes sets off a fresh line worthy of expending composition time over.  Mainly, I find, for adding extra episodes to a series of short stories - but - hey - if you have spanko block, getting it broken is the first order of business.

Personally, I find reading other spanking authors' works is extremely counter-productive as a source of inspiration:  as is watching videos.    For me, those avenues lead into the deadest of dead ends for inspiring creative thoughts.   Great entertainment, mind you:  just lousy for drumming up fresh thoughts of one's own.   For me, that is - if it works for you, more power to your key strokes!


Now I suggest you should trot over to the Incessantly Spanked blog for a different take on the letter "I"...

H is for Humor

Spanking is inherently humorous - and we spankos, in general, are noted for our good humored nature and outward going personalities.

And when writing spanko fiction, the urge to raise a laugh is always lingering near our fingertips.

But, by your leave, I would offer you counsel.   The standard spanking tale has its three classic stages:  the set up, the execution and the aftermath.   Most readers don't mind humor in the set up, and humor in the aftermath:  but are highly critical of humor in the execution.   The set up can easily be high slap stick, and the aftermath a kaleidoscope of wit:  but the spanking itself had better be told straight.   It would seem that for some readers (or to be more accurate, some of my readers) somethings are simply off limits for use as laugh material, and spankings themselves are tight inside that category.

Most of the time.

But from the comments it got, I got away with this one:

I looked at her buttocks.   The brush had created two large areas, one on each side, that were as bright a color as when I had completely finished yesterday.

I place the cool of the wood on top the angry red marks from that first swat.

I lifted my hand – and then a cell phone started to ring from somewhere in one of the pockets in her gingham dress.

“It’s my mother!” she gasped.  

She stood up, walked to and fro, while idly caressing her rump as she spoke.  “No, I didn't hear the phone.   I've just come out of the bathroom.   No, I'm OK.   Yes, I'd have phoned you if I'd thrown up again.  Yes, I promise.   Love you too.  Bye.”

She came back and lay over my lap again.

“Sorry about that.   It won’t happen again.”

I put my hand on to the far side of her waist, and pulled her in snug.   Skirt back up – two red oblong marks, one on each cheek.   The next stroke was going to land right on top of them…

“Ready?”

She nodded.

I lifted my arm – and then, downstairs, Sandy (our Airedale terrier) exploded into frantic barking and banging against the dining room French windows.

“Sheesh!” I said, as I stood Megan up.   “Don’t go away.”

I scampered down the stairs.   Sandy had spotted a squirrel on our lawn, and there would be no peace until he was let out to chase the intruder away.

When I got back, Megan had not moved from where I left her.

I smiled.   “No problem.   Let’s continue.”

She nodded and climbed back into position.

Skirt up, tap the target, lift the arm and … pause.

She looked up quizzically.

“Just making sure we are not going to get interrupted again.”

She smiled, nodded and dropped her head down.

I tensed up my forearm – and then, my desk phone started to ring.

“Jesus H Christ! “ I blasphemed.    Megan started to stand up.  “Don’t move!”  

I angled back and somehow got the phone to my ear.   “No!   I'm not sodding interested in new windows!   Sod off!”

I tried to slam the phone down, but it turned out to be harder than I thought when the cradle was at the limit of my arm’s reach.    After a short delay, I turned my attention back to Megan.

“Right!   I'll deliver the next four slaps come hell or high water.”

I was breathing heavily, and it dawned on me that my anger could result in Megan getting far more than she bargained for.

I waited just a few seconds, until my breathing had returned to normal, before resuming.

Her bare bottom still awaited my attention.   So - tap the target like this, and with no delay, swing back full stretch, and …. and then - the smoke alarm went off.

I jumped up and left Megan sprawled on the floor as I raced downstairs.   The kitchen was full of dark blue smoke and the smell of burnt milk was intense.   On the kitchen stove, a blacked saucepan was the source of it all.   Megan would have to do with cold milk with her cookies …

I filled the saucepan with cold water, with much sizzling and hissing.   Then, to stop the alarm, I used the simple old fashioned method of pulling out the batteries, and throwing them, with the alarm, into the trash can, with as much venom as I could muster.

I stormed back upstairs, and now Megan was visibly alarmed at my anger.

“Are you all right, Mister Brown?” she asked with some trepidation.

“Yes, yes.  I'm OK.   Don't worry.  I'll not vent my spleen on your rear.”

“If you want to vent your spleen, Mister Brown, I wouldn't want to stop you.”

“Just let’s get through the next four, and then we shall talk about it.”

She got back in position, skirt up, bottom bare, two red marks, and the brush lying on top of them.   I paused again to get my breath, and temper, under control.

A careful lift back to take aim – and then the front door bell rang.

“Ignore it, Mister Brown, they'll go away.”

I wasn’t just how far the loud crack would carry through the house, so lay the brush back on top of her bottom.   The bell rang again.

We waited.   More than long enough,   Whoever it was, they must have left by now.

I took careful aim again, and the bell rang again.

“They must know I'm here,” I said.   “I shall have to go and answer it.’

She nodded, stood up and pulled her panties up – in case my visitor, or visitors, had to come indoors.

I leaped casually down the stairs three at a time, and opened the front door, to find a young man and an elderly lady with bibles in one hand, leaflets in the other, and determined expressions on their faces.

“Sorry!” I blurted, “Family emergency!  Come back next week!”   Next week I would be many, many miles away from here.  Hah!  That would learn them.

Before they could respond, I slammed the door and raced back upstairs.

“Now – where were we?”

This time she pulled down her panties before climbing back over my lap.

“Ready?”

She nodded.

I took aim once more – and then she leaped off my knee, clutching her rump, and hopping from one foot to the other as she danced round the room.

“What is it?   What’s wrong?”

“Cramp.   I’ve got cramp in my butt!   I must have had it tensed up too tight for too long.”

I put the brush down.   After a couple of minutes she stopped the jogging around.

“Come on,” I said.   “The fates have got it in for us today.   I think you should trot off home.”

Sometimes we can smile at ourselves.   We just need to take care we do not do it all the time ...