The Fishing Trip

Did I ever tell you the time that Father O’Brien and Father Murphy went fishing on the lake with Sister Angelica for company?

I did not?

I cannot see how such an affair slipped my mind – it was the talk of the whole village for months and months and months. 

Mike – another pint for me, if you please, and another drink for my friend here.  

No, no, it’s my treat.    You can get us a round  later.

Here you are Mike – keep the change.

Now, where were we?   Ah yes – It was for a Wednesday that Father Murphy invited Father O’Brien to go and do a spot of fishing.   When Father O’Brien told Sister Angelica to rearrange his diary to give him a morning free, she rearranged it so that she had it free, as well.   As bold as brass, she just turned up on the dock!

Yes, I know that is not the way things should be done, but back then Father Murphy was quite a handsome young man, and Sister Angelica made no secret of the fact that she happened to be quite partial to his company.

So, it is told, that the first the two men knew about her brazen plan was when she arrived and calmly asked if she could help load their tackle.   Just like that:  “Do you need a hand loading your tackle?” she said.

“You’re no fisherwoman!” exclaimed an astounded Father O’Brien.

“’Tis a very pleasant morning, and I don’t need a rod in my hand to enjoy it” she answered back. 

 I agree, such bad manners.   I would have sent her packing back to the Presbytery right away, if I had anything to do with it at all.

But Father Murphy himself was not averse to Sister Angelica’s company, if you get my drift, and he stepped in, as a peace maker as it were, and invited her to climb on to the boat.

It was a very small boat, as I recall.   Designed to carry one in comfort, two at a pinch.

And with three of them on board, and the fishing tackle and all, it lay mighty low in the water.    

Mighty low.

Well, they safely rowed out twenty yards or so off shore, and hooks were baited, and lines cast.   And then do you know what she did?

I shall tell you what she did.   That stupid woman took out a huge bag of bread crumbs and started feeding the ducks.

Feeding the ducks!

I ask you - have you ever heard of anything so cockawhammie?

No, me neither.

It might have all come to naught, but as this huge flock of birds swam around the dinghy in a feeding frenzy, Father O’Brien got a bite!

Well, what a commotion.   He was trying to reel it in – a four pound trout he later claimed - but he was always one with a bit of an imagination when it came to fishes, if you ask me.

He was calling to Father Murphy for the gaffe and creel, and Sister Angelica was getting in both their ways with her bread tossing nonsense.

“Woman, this is no time to be feeding those blasted birds,   Desist, will ye?” said Father O’Brien

“If you think silly fishing is more important than feeding God’s poor creatures, you have your priorities in the wrong direction, Father” she answered.

“Will you at least stop until we have landed the fish?” he asked.

“Will you leave that poor fish alone until the ducks have been fed?” she said right back at him.

“Well at least will ye refrain from rocking the blessed boat, woman?” said Father O’Brien.   But Sister Angelica was determined to continue to feed her ducks, and threw with even greater gusto.   Father Murphy was trying to deal with the struggling fish, and was leaning ever more precariously over the edge of the wee boat.

They were not in deep water.  That was the good thing.   If they had been in deep water, it might have been far, far worse.

After the boat capsized, the water only came up to their waists.   Mind you, they took a right royal ducking before they got back up on their feet again.  And they were covered in duck weed and algae.  And at first, they were wading through a mass of floating bread crumbs and had to beat a path through the ravenous ducks.

They slowly sludged and squelched their way back to the shore.   But despite the cold water – or perhaps because of it - Father O’Brien was beside himself in a fiery rage – all the way to dry land, he was spluttering in that incoherent way he does when his temper is past the exploding point.

Well – even though a crowd had gathered to lend a hand – Father O’Brien made it clear it was time for instant vengeance by way of rough justice. 

The only item of wreckage he had salvaged was one oar – everything else was still bobbing at the ship wreck site.

“You sank the boat!” he shouted at Sister Angelica.   “You sank it!”

“It was an accident!” she shouted back.

Now this is unbelievable, but this is what happened next.   Really.

There was a dinghy on the shore, upside down, waiting some maintenance, and he grabbed her hand, pulled her over to it, and then threw her face down over it.   Physically tossed over it like some rag doll, and placed his boot in the small of her back to keep her in place.

“Father Murphy, if you please” he called. “Would you be so kind as to be holding her hands for me?”

And that is what Father Murphy did.   Really.  He actually held her hands and then watched Father O’Brien stand back to belabor her backside with that oar.  We were all stunned.

And here’s the thing.   Before he starting whacking away at her, he pulled up her gown and downed her drawers.  What a scandal!  Sister Angelica was showing her bare rump to the whole world at large.  And the spectators watched in eager disbelief as it got whacked with great vigor,   My, how she yelled how sorry she was, and for pity’s sake, was not enough, enough  already?   

If any of this had ever got to the ears of the bishop, there would have been the very devil to pay.

But the bawling and yelling finally came to an end.   Sister Angelica was quite contrite, but very pleased that Father Murphy took her into his arms to comfort her after it was all over.

Father O’Brien turned to the small crowd.   “Not one word from any of you about this.   I still have this oar - if you spread malicious rumors about what just did NOT happen, there will be mighty trouble.   Do I make myself clear?” 

It must have worked.   Although it was the talk of the village for months and months afterwards  it surely stayed within the village.   Or perhaps just our two neighboring ones as well.   Four or five at tops.   Anyway, nothing more was said or done in any official channel about the whole affair, so it stayed safely under the hat.

Why, that is a very kind offer.   Thank you – I’m sure I can find time to have just one more pint.

Mike – if you please…

Yes, Mike, you are quire correct – I was indeed just telling our guest here about that time you and Angelica went fishing  on the lake with Father O’Brien.   I don’t think any of us will ever forget those memorable events.   Do you or your good wife ever see much of Father O’Brien nowadays?

Neither of you see him very often?  Yes – I can see why that would be so.   Angelica did not half get it.   I bet she still rankles.   Wives can be funny like that.

Hey – Mike, don’t rush off.    Do stay and have a drink with us…   Oh.   What on earth did I say to upset him like that?