Sunday, June 29, 2014

Z is for Zwounds

We authors sometimes allow ourselves to fall into the trap of using technically correct words regardless of what our users may have in their vocabulary, or using obscure words for the sole purpose of revealing the meaning of them.

For example. if I had a tale that was set in North West England, I might construct a sentence that reads "The house stood on the bonking overlooking the River Mersey."   After poring through lexicons of regional dialect, one or more readers might exclaim "Gosh Dave, you used a local word that describes a low hill side on one side of a plateau, not one of pair that make up a valley - wow, you is my hero of wordsmithpersonship."   Yeah - right.

But such usage happens.   One of our colleagues came up with "nates" in a context that clearly showed the word is a synonym of "buttocks".   Nates?   That author had presumably plumbed obscure, ancient dictionaries so as to tickle our delight by coming up with a brand new (to us) but totally authentic alternative to "bottom".   And we were expected to be delighted, not snorting with derision.

The other time we are tempted to use an obscure word is that we have learned what it really means, and which to share our gleaned knowledge with a wider audience.

Let me explain further.   In the times of the Cavaliers and Roundheads battling out a civil war in the UK, it became the custom of those days to use the body parts of the divine as swear words.   "God's body" for example.   And "God's teeth" for another.

Such profanity was not fit for polite society, so the initial "G" got dropped.   'ods body and 'ods teeth was far, far milder.   (segue:  "Oddsbodikins" transcribes as "God's little body" - I bet you didn't know that.)

And then to make it even milder, the "od" got censored as well, leaving us with a mild cuss still in use today: "Steeth"

Zwounds started out as "God's Wounds" and became "'Ods wounds" which morphed into "Swounds" and then inexplicably into "Zwounds".   And there you have it: a medieval cuss word laid bare after such clinical dissection.

You may be so enraptured with your new knowledge that you want to set up some dialogue in your next tale so that you can share it with your readership.   You know the sort of thing:  "Professor, put that cane down for a moment and do tell me what the word Zwounds really means ..."

Don't do it.   Your readers really don't give a damn that you have obscure regional dialect at your fingertips or have the ability to explain the etymology of any and every word your characters come to utter.   All they care about is that the spanking that is being set up in your introduction gets delivered in luscious detail.  Go back to basics and keep it simple.   Not stupidly so, but enough to keep your reader apace with your plot.

If you really have a need to explain the origin of the word Zwounds, save it for the last article in a series of 26 that go through every letter of the alphabet.  Then you might get away with it.

(Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible - (advt.)).

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Y is for You

Yes - you, dear reader without whom all my efforts are totally worthless.

We have never met, but I do have some idea of what makes you tick.   Over 400 of you have responded to the survey to give some insight in what things are shared experiences and which ones make us stand apart.

From the pattern of my book sales, I can deduce which plot lines ring a chord with you, and which ones you find a little less than stellar.  That's OK - it is my job to fulfill you reading wants, not yours to spend your hard earned cash on stuff just because I am inordinately proud of it.   And the number of reads of short stories also give a hint - but that is more an indicator of how intriguing a title is, I rather suspect.

I get some hints - some clear, some obscure - from the comments some of you make about my posts, my stories and my published works.

One hard statistic of e-books is that, on average, it takes about 700 sales to generate one customer review.   And since getting such reviews is vital to turning a pot boiler into a best seller, some new authors get friends and family to write glowing reviews for them in order to create some "buzz" about the work.   A tactic doomed to failure, for if a new book arrives complete with half a dozen glowing reviews, just about everyone knows that it has not been in circulation long enough to get any reviews at all, and the game is up.  If you are going to use phoney reviews, wait four to six months before publishing them and you may succeed with such con tricks.

If your are not an author, it might surprise you to learn that the hard currency for some web sites is the comments from the public at large who visit and partake of the stuff that has been put out for its amusement.


When it comes to the free stuff we hand out, some authors are desperate for comments and reviews.   A very promising new picture blog was pulled a couple of years ago because not one of 12,000 visitors had been polite enough to make a comment.   Not one single comment.   That author - wrongly thinking he was entitled to get responses - was so upset that no-one agreed with that point of view - he pulled the plug rather than changing his mind.

There are free story sites that if a member does not comment after a pre-set number of reads, has membership rights revoked.   "Good members" give comments freely, so if you are a "bad member" you can get the hell out of here until your manners improve.   Or some such.  Their web site - their rules.   All is good.

But those ways of thinking do not apply to you, dear reader, while you are visiting this site, to pondering the musings or reading the free tales.

That you pop in from time to time is suffice.   All that is published here is for you for without you the entire enterprise is without merit.   By all means tell me if anything is less than average.   But because you want to, not because I might get peeved if you don't.

Friday, June 27, 2014

X is for X-rated

I have no hard evidence, but I think one of the senior Google executives is a hardened anti-spanking nut.

You must have noticed that when you type words into the search bar of Google, you get a list of helpful hints of how to finish off the rest of your inquiry.   Unless you start using crude language, and the Maiden-Aunt side of google takes over, and all help is promptly withdrawn.

Within the world of Google, the word "spanking" is in their lexicon of crude language.   The word spanking itself is so fraught with peril that when anyone says it, Aunt Google quickly crosses to the other side of the street to avert her eyes away in soulful disbelief that such a word is being used in polite society.

And her team of stalwart blue-noses diligently track down all and any site that might inflame the masses with their spanking content:  if you get to the "L" of Nu-west Leda all the helpful search hints vanish from the list.   For it is very important to the hardened anti-spanking nut that Googol is never seen to assist spanking freaks get their fill.    They wont stop us - that might lose advertising revenue - but they will make it plain that they do not really approve of what we are up to.

Now, as it happens, Blogger is owned - indirectly - by Google.   And when we bloggers use crude language or show pictures and/or videos of an adult nature, our blogs are put behind a privacy screen - called the "Mature Content Warning"  to ensure only mature audiences get to slake their lust by visiting such sites.

Google claims it does not review the content of sites:  it simply responds to hints given to it by people who wish to protect young ones from porn.   Having been alerted to a possible adult site masquerading as a family one, Google checks out the blog's SEO keywords and then place it behind a Mature Content warning.

Which you - as an adult and mature web searcher cannot turn off.   Every single time you revisit one of your favorite sites, you will have to reconfirm for the umpteenth time that you wish to continue.   

Some spanking sites do have language that is extremely raunchy, and other display pictures that make very public the most private of private parts.   And, if parents have not set privacy controls on their kid's search options, I suppose their is some sort of case that Aunty Google should take action to hinder the tykes in their quest for knowledge that may be too adult for them.   But a button that reads "I wish to continue" - that's supposed to do the trick?  Really?

The point is that any blog that regularly discusses spanking material, no matter in what form, it will sooner or later be culled off to sit behind the "Adult Content" warning.

When that happens to me, I do hope that you will continue to wend your way in here.   There are serious sides to the thing that we do, and I shall continue to explore them as I have done so far.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

W is for Writing and Re-writing

Imagine that you have just finished your very first short story - a veritable mini-masterpiece of wit and erotic tension leading to a very fine description of a spanking that will echo in the butt of every reader.   Guess what every managing editor will now recommend you do with it?   Go back and rewrite it.   As if from scratch.

The hardest chore the beginning author is tasked with is rewriting what has already been written.   Particularly if the said author is bursting with pride at the wonderfulness of the literary gem awaiting to be released upon a grateful public.

But it is a discipline that has so much to commend it that I would suggest that if you do not already do it, you should start doing it as soon as possible.

Some ideas of how to go about doing a rewrite:

  • Read the whole tale aloud to see how well it really hangs together, and if the plot develops in a natural and unforced manner.
  • Take each paragraph in turn and ask what the paragraph is supposed to achieve, and whether it actually achieves it.
  • Then look at each sentence to see if it can be crafted better:  perhaps by breaking it up into several sentences, perhaps by using different words that are more effective.
  • And repeat the entire sequence you come up with, at least twice.
All the time you are looking for possible changes to the plot, plot flow, point of view and the actual minutia of word-craft itself.   For example look just how much the following opening paragraphs changed through the process of the rewrite.

The original opening paragraph was:


“Ladies, Gentlemen, let me present you with the XBot 2505!” announced Doctor James Gayhaus with the wild over-enthusiasm often adopted by academics that have been given the task of acting as a pitch-man for a new product launch.
Which turned into:


The doorbell rang, and a few seconds later I opened it to find a very attractive female standing on my door step.   She was without doubt the most beguiling and enchanting young minx I had ever encountered.   She wore smart and sassy attire that was both business casual and seductress at large.   My mouth dropped slightly.
I am not suggesting that your final version will be so dramatically different from the first draft - just pointing out that you might be surprised just how big a change takes place during the process.

In doing the due diligence of pre-publication review, you may unearth many little literary gems with which to enhance your work and the reading pleasure of your audience.   So - I would opine - you really ought to take on the task of doing the re-write phase with positive enthusiasm for what it might bring.

Stream of consciousness may be a fine method of creating that first draft:  but it is extremely rare that it is a fine method of producing the finished work.   If you get my drift...

 
 

Monday, June 23, 2014

V is for Viewpoint

When we write a spanking tale, we recount what happened by telling the scene as one of the participants, or as a "seeing eye" who describes what is going on without actually being there.  The technical term is POV (Point of View) but you know me well enough by now that we can use the less formal term "View Point"

Selecting the view point is important.   Your aim is to tell the reader what is going on, and each viewpoint has its advantages and disadvantages.   Particularly if we want to say "why" the action is unfolding in the way that it is.

The "standard" view point is in the third person past tense, but sometimes authors try the present tense for effect, and on a couple of occasions I have seen the future tense being used:  very out of the ordinary, so use the future tense with care, and only for fairly short pieces.


Take the simple, standard, third person past tense, as in the statement "He picked up the whip and faced her."   We might have to go a long way to show our reader the inevitability of the picking up that whip, and the emotions that the action unleashed on the victim.

We can get around one part of the problem by going to first person. "It was incumbent upon me to show this wretched wench the price of sin - and I had the arm, wit and resolve to show her just how high a price,  I picked up the whip and faced her."    Well, we are finding it plain sailing to explain his motives - but now we are inside his shoes, telling the reader any emotion she is feeling is going to come across, at best, as inspired guesswork.

"He picked up the whip and faced me.   Every nerve end in my body shrank at the horror he would unleash upon me, and, in particular, I became acutely aware how vulnerable my naked buttocks were."   (OK, a bit purpley -  but the aim is to show now that we are able to describe her emotions, telling what he his thinking has become inspired guesswork.) 

We could switch viewpoints back and forth:  if not overdone, that can be very effective.   Just use clear sign posts to let the reader that we have changed point of view.   The free short story in the Free Story section called  "Abuse of Power" uses this technique with remarkable success (advt.)

For every day workmanlike work (or workpersonlike if gender is an issue), third person past tense works just fine.   We have an arsenal of techniques to show what a person is thinking - we just have to deploy them in a workpersonlike manner.

I don't know about you, but I find second person narratives awkward to read "You picked up the whip and faced her"   Or event "He picked up the whip and faced you."     I think this is supposed to make the reader more committed to the narrative but - possibly because of its rarity - it tends to isolate me from the action.   However, what I personally think about your narrative is the least of your problems - if this technique works for you and your readers, you go for it.   Variety being the spice of life and all that.

The other viewpoint I personally have great difficulty is when the narrative is is a future tense.    "You will pick up the whip and face me.   I will become aware just how vulnerable my naked buttocks are."    But again, if it works for you, then that is all that matters.

The point I am trying to make is that the choice of viewpoint will change how your reader reacts to your tale, and your decision as to which one to use may have a profound effect on how the tale unfolds.   One day soon, when this A to Z challenge is over, I shall lead you into a case study of just how different a tale might unfold.    ("Oh no." I hear you all cry - "You're not going to carry on after the A to Z.are you?"    "You betcha," I reply with words full of terrible portent...

Friday, June 20, 2014

U is for Uniform

Naturally U just had to be for Uniform : there is an element of relished anticipation in the ritual that may precede a session of corporal punishment:  and it goes with the turf that uniform wearers who get whacked will do so by following a very formal ritual before the first stroke lands.   Whether it is a nervous schoolgirl having to touch her toes as an act of submission, or an airline steward accused of drinking alcohol in some mid-East nation:  the relentless steps the victim goes through makes for a very satisfactory build up of tension.

A couple of years ago I picked up a real life interview in the UK press, and when I researched it, it turned out that it was very, very possible that the events really happened.

What events?    Have a look at my free tale Over a Breach of Discipline.    But be warned - it is quite severe and there is not a single element of erotica about it (advt.)

T is for Teaching Moment

When spankings are safe, sane and consensual, they are tremendous fun.   Even some non-spankos give a nod in our direction when they let themselves go.

But when they are not, they can be abusive, nasty and/or unpleasant.  Even for the most ardent devotee of the profession.

One of my Second Life acquaintances told me of a real life experience when it turned out that her partner was a dyed in the wool sadist, and not only took her to the limits of her safe word, continued on long after reaching that line.   Sadists don't seem to care about anything except the own personal gratification, so do take care your potential partner is not an out and out sadist - unless, of course, you wish to explore the darkest recesses of your partner's mind.

Now, I could give you a lecture on safe practices, but, as it happens, I once wrote a short story that spells it all out in a most excellent manner (advt.)   So here is A Teaching Moment: a tale I hope that will amuse, erudite and perhaps even edify you.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

S is for Surprise Ending

As authors, we seem to delight in giving our readers an unexpected twists at the end of the tales we tell.

It probably starts with our early (non spanko) childhood efforts - where we pile on invention after invention to put our protagonist - often ourselves - into a wilder and wilder situation.   I bet  you, like me, resolved the impossibility we had created so used the twist in the tale in the manner of:  "... and then I woke up."   Gosh - we thought to ourselves - no one will spot that one coming.

But ask any English teacher of kids under the age of 13:  they will tell you they see that at least once a semester if not once a week.   It would seem we all do it, at least once, in our formative writing days.

This illustrates the nub of the problem - finding really new dramatic twists for short stories is getting almost impossibly hard in all genres.    O. Henry alone is charged with using up about 50% of all realistic ironic endings.    Fortunately, he was not into spanking faction

That does not help a great deal - for us authors of spanking fiction, the task of finding a novel ending is even harder.   We are expected to turn out a tale that meets our reader's expectations that the set up for the spanking is realistic (no easy task), that the spanking will be realistically described (no easy task) and that the aftermath will be consistent with steps one and two.   OK, if you have set up steps one and two in a workpersonlike manner, step three is relatively easy.

Step three is relatively easy until you decide it is to contain a twist in the tail.   It doesn't have to - mind - if the aftermath is raw, unadorned slaking of lust, the need for a surprise ending has largely gone away.   And often a simple acceptance of all that has gone before is quite OK.   Not stunning, but very acceptable.

But if you do decide you want a surprise ending, I think you should take counsel that some surprise endings have been done so often that they now are virtually cliches.    You might know the sort of thing:  the school-girl is actually his adult wife.   The assumed victim of the beating was really in charge the whole time.   The unwilling victim finds the event has really been extremely rousing much to much mental confusion.   If a beating for such a minor offense is warranted, just wait until the major offense is discovered.   And so on.

There are new surprise endings waiting to be mined, and the mind games to unearth them are great fun.

But if you are new to writing spanking fiction, I would suggest you go and read a vast amount of spanking short stories by other authors - as due diligence to understand what the reading audience expects, and to make sure your "new" really astonishing twist hasn't been used so many times it causes a yawn rather than a shocked smile of congratulation.

When you do succeed in your quest for a new twist in the tail, I promise you your reading public will sure let you know.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

R is for Robo-spanker

Outside of the sci-fi world of eroticobots, a la "The Gleam in Her Eye", there really are mechanical devices designed to impart a series of blows to a penitent's bottom.

The grand-daddy is actually called "The Robo Spanker".  If you want to investigate the machine, don't use Googol to find their web site- Googol is about the most anti-spanking search engine out there.    (In fact, let's all boycott Google totally - that will teach them to be so anti-spanking).

The Robo spanker is a simple back and forth whacker - making the paddle its best implement - for unless the victim changes body position, all strokes will land pretty much on the same spot.

The video producers at Pain-4-Fem came up with their own contraption, that uses a rotating arm to deliver a cane or whip stroke.   To overcome the possibility of all strokes landing on the same sport, with much whirring, the delivery arm rises and lowers different amounts between consecutive strokes.   Even if you have not watched any of their videos, you might have come across a picture or two of their models on the photo-blogs.   The precision of the closely packed parallel stripes is the hallmark of a bottom striped with such mechanical efficiency.

The Instamatic II is the latest addition to the market of automated spankers.   It is controlled by a pc program, and absent partners could, conceivably, deliver precise punishments from long distances by simply changing the programs variables.   A whole new variation on "the long arm of the law", if you will.

For my tale "The Punishment Program" I combined the Instamatic II programming with the whirring noises of the Pain-4-Fem device.

I suspect the inventors of such devices might have a bigger market than one would first think.   Since 20% of those with our taste have never told another person about their liking, it suggests that there are several million potential buyers in the USA alone.

If we had some way of being more open about our foible, that would surely open up the number of consensual spankings while making substantial dents in the profits of the mechanical device manufacturers.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Q is for Question

Spankos are very secretive about their fondness for spankings.    Some of us have never told anyone, not a single soul, about our liking - ever.   And I am talking big numbers:  20% or more are that reticent.

When asked, Spankos keep it to themselves for they say in surveys that they think that those without our taste will look on us as perverts in need of medical treatment and that we are a danger to children

So, part of the LSF spanking survey allowed "vanilla" participants to answer a very short survey designed to answer the question "What do you really think of us?"   The number of respondents to the survey who stated that they are of a vanilla persuasion is not large enough to be totally reliable.   But since every single one answered some questions in an identical manner, we should look at them as setting some sort of trend.

Here are the questions, and responses, set to the vanilla community who took part:

Are you male or female?
Male 40.00%
Female 53.33%
Prefer not to say 6.67%


 How old are you?
Under 30 26.67%
Between 30 and 40 13.33%
Between 40 and 50 33.33%
Over 50 26.67%


Were you spanked as a child?
Never 13.33%
Rarely 53.33%
Often 20.00%
Very often 13.33%


If you had to make a guess, how many times do think Spankos got spanked when they were kids?
Never 0.00%
Rarely 35.71%
Often 50.00%
Very often 14.29%


Again, if you had to make a guess, at what age do you think most Spankos first get fascinated by spankings?
Before Puberty 20.00%
At Puberty 26.67%
Between puberty and 20 26.67%
Between 20 - 40 6.67%
Over the age of 40 0.00%
No idea at all 20.00%


In general, which of the following statements apply to spankos?
I cannot understand them 7.14%
They are very nice people 28.57%
They are perverts 0.00%
They need medical or psychiatric treatment 0.00%
They are harmless 14.29%
They are a danger to children 0.00%
They are like everyone else 78.57%
They are fun people 7.14%
If it is consensual between adults, that's OK 57.14%

So - while they might not understand us, every single one disagreed with the statement that we are perverts, that we need treatment and that we are a danger to children.    And I personally take great comfort in that.

However, the number of respondents is quite small.   If you can assist in getting the vanilla community to weigh in on the topic, you could always use this link.    It is the same one that contains the spanking survey, but an early question splits the respondents to their own sections.

P is for Pilmsoll

A plimsoll is a sort of old fashioned Gym shoe - with a flat, rubber sole.

Gosh, that is very interesting, Dave - but so what? I hear you ask.


According to some surveys, the plimsoll and its more modern cousin, the carpet slipper, are weapons of choice when it comes to whaling a partner's backside.   It is a hangover from post-WW2 Britain, when the plimsoll was the main weapon of rank and file school teachers.   The cane tended to be for more serious offenses, and in some schools restricted to the Headmaster/mistress and his/her deputy.   So your class master, to keep order and decorum, would often rely on a plimsoll to aid in keeping order.

The thing about the plimsoll is that when used as a simple spanking implement - straight back and to like a hand or even a paddle - it is extremely mild indeed.    It takes a great deal of effort to infuse a deeper shade of pink using one in this manner.

But in the hands of a master - or a mistress even - it can deliver a sting of exquisite sharpness and an instant band of deep red.   It is all in the manner of delivery.

The expert does not swing backwards and forwards like a paddle.   The delivery is a sweeping swipe, from right to left, across the buttocks so that the flat rubber has an effect similar to "Chinese Burn".   And strokes delivered in this manner are extremely painful:  jumping up and down from foot to foot while blinking back tears of disbelief from the impact of a single whack - that sort of extremely painful.

So - should you come across an old fashioned plimsoll, and add it to your collection - do take care how you actually use it.   If your partner is expecting a set of playful pats and gets a blistered backside instead, you might have a lot of explaining to do.

For Safe, Sane and Consensual are our watchwords.    A plimsoll might very unexpectedly find you on the wrong side of that dividing line.

Monday, June 16, 2014

O is for Over The Knee

I haven't looked, but I would not be surprised if the majority of my fellow A-Z bloggers chose Over The Knee for their letter O.

Over the knee spankings have a special niche in our style of life.   I suspect that it is the most popular real life spanking method:  the intimacy of close body contact, the stimulation of bare hand on bare bottom and the sheer unscripted spontaneity of it all makes for a delightful experience.   And a rather special form of foreplay.

But as spanking authors, such instant fun makes it a method of spanking that seldom turns up in our works of fiction.   Those bloggers who recount their real life spanking adventures often relate over the knee sessions with their partners:  but those who specialize in spanking fiction tend to shy away from it.

This possibly because spanking erotica lends itself best to the ritual and the sting that comes from some dreaded implement, not from a quick romp around the bed covers.

A real life OTK can last for ages and ages:  gentle slaps that arouse a pinkness slowly and bringing a deep personal satisfaction:  trying to capture such a session in print would involve much repetition.   The real life experience does not lend itself to prose, for constant repetition - on the page - is more likely to bore than to titillate.

With an over the knee spanking, there is no lengthy anticipation, no formal submission to accept the coming ordeal, no bondage, no whips, no chains.   Props that make fiction more intense, even if rarely - if never - part of one's actual bedroom activity.

So we have what must be the spanko author's greatest enigma:   the most enjoyable real life spankings are the very worst for including in spanking fiction.

Which really is very curious, don't you think?

Sunday, June 15, 2014

N is for Narrative

Writing conversations can be tricky - and their are a number of points of style and usage you should keep in mind.

The first is getting the text to read like the spoken word sounds.   "I have not." might look OK, but "I haven't" sounds better. Routinely search your text to turn 'I will' into 'I'll' and so on.  'Can't' might not be a proper word in the purist's lexicon, but in narrative it is far superior to 'cannot'.

Secondly, beware of using dialogue to tell the reader what the protagonists already know.   I shall make up a bad example so you know what to avoid:  "Hello Samantha, my wife of 25 stormy years.   Are you still doubting the wisdom of taking that management position when other better qualified candidates now have to report to you?"   OK - a bit over the top, but we all fall into the trap of getting people to tell each other things they both know to fill the reader in on what it is going on.   It often works well - just make sure it works well when you actually use the technique.

The way we write dialogue has changed over the years.    Again, I'll make up a piece in the style that was in vogue in the 1930's and 40's:
"Are you angry with me?" Samantha asked nervously.
"I am absolutely furious with you!" David snarled contemptuously.
"Oh.   You are not going to beat me?" she whispered piously.
"I shall cut you to shreds!" he roared angrily.
The new style is to cut out all words that could be synonyms with "said" and to cut out all those -ly style adjectives.  And, if it helps move the plot forwards, to give some descriptive text so that the reader can work out the emotion for himself or herself.

The above exchange could, nowadays, be written as:

"Are you angry with me?"   Samantha pressed herself against the chair back in front of her, and tried to keep the tremor in her leg in check.
"I'm absolutely furious with you!"   David tore the offending letter in half, smashed it into a tightly packed ball and flung it into the fireplace.
"Oh.  You're not going to beat me ,,,"   Words said in a hushed whisper, so quiet he was not supposed to hear them.
.He stood up, strode across to the mantel and picked up the riding crop.   He turned and faced her.   "Beat you?  I'm going cut your hide to shreds for this." 

I don't offer the second version as a masterpiece of literaly style: it is just a case study to show the differences between the old way and the new.

However, sometimes you simply have to have a "he said" or similar, just to remind the reader where we are in the to and fro of an exchange of ideas when it is not blindingly obvious who is saying what.   And when we have a three-way, or more, dialogue, we are simply forced to identify each speaker in turn.   But evern then do try to avoid the adjectives if you can,  If you want to be in the modern style, that is.    And even the modern fashion will change over time:  another good reason for reading the works of other authors.

Do take very good care if you write historical pieces of a serious nature.   I once had a Cromwellian soldier say "I don't know".  You would not believe how many contacted me to say that  one of
Cromwell's troops could not have possibly said that.   "I know not" was the syntax of the day and "I don't know" did not evolve until a century or more later.   If you want your dialog to ring true to all readers, you need do your homework first.   There is a huge army of linguist purists out there.

Finally, the best advice I can give is read your dialogue aloud - yes, really - read it aloud (but out of the earshot of others).   You will quickly spot verbalizations thatt do not right ture.    And that is about 95% of the battle. 
.

Friday, June 13, 2014

M is for McLintock

The film McLintock bought to the big screen a truly authentic spanking scene (and one faked one as well).

When John Wayne's character (George Washington McLintock) whaled Maureen O'Hara's rump with a small flat shovel, he really did spank her.   Maureen reported that it could not have been any other way, and that her butt was "black and blue" for more than two weeks after.  Well, it was a Western with "Taming of the Shrew" overtones - Maureen's character was even named Kate.

And when Maggie Gyllenhaal got spanked in Secretary, she also agreed to take a real walloping rather than fake it.   What she had not allowed for was that by the time the shoot was over, the scene had been shot 15 times (from various angles) and she found that her rump got steadfastly more sore as the day wore on.

Jenny Maxwell always said that her spanking at the hands of Elvis Presley - In blue Hawaii -  really hurt : her dress was wet from just leaving the sea which made the slaps sting more - but her co-star was extremely reticent on how much effort he had put into it.

Over at the other extreme of on-screen spankings, Keira Knightly reportedly had to have a couple of ounces of booze just to be able to have a camera record someone pretending to belt her bottom.    It would not have been possible for her to stand the emotional nightmare of pretending to like be spanked without the prop of alcohol to lessen the trauma.   (Do I detect a hint of "the lady dost protest too much" in her publicity?)

But, the truth be known, Keira's position is more common in film land than we spankos like to pretend is the case.   Helena did not actually feel a single swat, despite her pretty tears and yelps in Lady Jane.   Holy Aird did not get caned or beaten with a sjambok in Happy Valley - despite being cast in other movies that had her on the wrong end of a thrashing or two.

Indeed, a number of directors faced with spanking action in a script take the easy way out, and have it off-screen (but within ear shot) so they can be true to the script without having to risk any real bruising taking place.   The belting Brook Shields was scripted to get in Pretty Baby was as savage as anything ever portrayed:  the strap tore the seat out her night dress.   Having the deed done in a closed door shed, and allowing her to defiantly cry "It didn't hurt at all!" after it was all over, softened everything down and avoided a long drawn out battle with the censors.

I personally thing main stream movies would improve markedly if spanko script writers were allowed to add more plausible dialogue, and genuine spanko actresses found to fill the more important roles.

I still cannot get over that we saw a double in Nymphomaniac, and that it was not really Charlotte Gainsborough's bottom that was getting thoroughly slapped with a riding crop.    We really need to take action if we are going to put an end to all this Tommy-rot.    And I am reasonably certain that the Duke would be on our side.   Let's see if McLintock can still ride the range.


L is for Lust

Spanking is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs ever discovered - well, at least for us spankos it is.

And we have contemplated more than once that the standard base plot of our style of fiction is set up, execution, aftermath.   All our concern about the set up is that it is believable, and the execution is that the pale moons turn to the exact shade of crimson that denotes perfectly cooked buns.

The aftermath can be as un-erotic as corner time (for those who do not find corner time to be a turn on), as simple as quiet contemplation, or the onset of wild, un-abandoned lust of a heady and bodice ripping nature.

If you have not been down this route before, you have to make an early decision as to which style of erotica you are going to stay with.   If your early stuff is gentile euphemisms and then you suddenly unleash a stream of stream of conscious dirty-talk on your audience, you will really tick them off.   And those who revel in s.o.c. dirty talk have long dismissed you as an author of interest:  so even that group will not make good the mass exodus of readers you have just lost.

I suggest that in this specific area you do actually write for yourself:  even though everywhere else I have counseled you to put your audience first.   For, putting this as delicately as I can - if you are personally uncomfortable when presented with a string of four lettered cuss words, you will never be able to write them with any degree of ease.   And it will show through.

On the other hand, if "she felt her whole body strain in expectation of him taking her as he wanted..." leaves you squirming - then don't write that sort of stuff!

When writing the spanko part of your story, you have an audience who share a very significant trait with you:  but when you branch off into erotica, you have as many different potential audiences as they are ways of describing how two people satiate the sexual desires.

There are, at base, three different tracks.   Polite euphemisms, clinical descriptions, wild abandon descriptions.   The first does not directly mention body parts by namee, the second uses the "correct" medical terminology for them, and the third makes use of raw and bawdy language to paint the picture.

Each will work very effectively for some readers, and not for others.   So once you decide to indulge in a spot of purple prose, pick the shade you like and carry with you those readers who have the same taste as you.    Each to their own, as they say elsewhere about something completely different.



Wednesday, June 11, 2014

K is for Kindle

By far the greatest retailer of e-books is Amazon by way of its Kindle operation.

And you should always consider self-publishing on Kindle - for there is no charge to do so and you get a royalty for every copy purchased by the public at large.

There are some traps to avoid.

If you do not want, or cannot afford, professional editing of your draft manuscript, you will have to turn your .doct into an old fashioned .doc and make it fit for e-publishing.   This can be a lengthy process, depending upon how many e-publishing formatting rules you unwittingly broke while churning out that draft.   But your helpful e-publisher might be able to help when you load your files:  auto text checking takes place.

The Kindle automatic text vetting system does not pick up very much more than spelling mistakes.   You might consider setting up a Smashwords account (it is free) and using their auto vetter to eliminate all major format errors.   Newbie authors love indenting lines with the tab key and separating paragraphs with the enter key:  both techniques tell some publishing systems to do odd things with the format.   Smashwords makes you take them all out - every single one - so that your text is readable on all devices.  The first time takes so long you make sure that future works enter into the system far more cleaner.

Kindle insists that you only have one account with them.   And each account can only have one bank account to receive the royalties you earn.    And you are not supposed to share your account details with any third party:  all in all it is very tricky to have a partnership  unless you, and they, turn a blind eye.   An account has to have a unique email address, a unique bank account and a unique tax id in order for it to be unique.   Creative people have found ways to provide all three, to the complete satisfaction of all concerned.

Kindle will offer you special deals in exchange for having exclusive rights to publish your book, each deal being a full 90 days with no time off for good behavior.   And this is really simple math:  if you are only using Kindle, you would be mad not to take the special offer.    And if you have multiple outlets, you should totally avoid it:   you might get some extra cash from Amazon, but will have to give up all other book sales by way of compensation.

When it comes setting a price for your work, there are some boundaries you should be aware of.   Kindle is happy with works between $1.99 and $9.99 - they will give you 70% of the take as a royalty.   But between $9.99 and $200.00 you can only have 35%.    Over $200.00 and you are back at 70% again.   So unless you have a really perverse trust in your best lucky number, make he price $9.99 or less - or over $19.98   Once the price gets over $19.98 a 35% royalty is larger than a 70% royalty on a $9.99 work.

If any of this requires deeper explanation, do drop me a line.   After you have dropped in on Kathy to see what she has chosen for her K topic.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

J is for Jester

There are not a great number of ancient documents regarding Jesters, so what we do know about them has to be pieced together.

In distant times, it is recorded that persons of very low natural intelligence (sometime known as "Village Idiots") were seen as being blessed by the gods, and were freely allowed to say things that were not allowed to be said by others.

The concept passed over to two groups of highly intelligent people:  professional household staff who were employed to entertain the lord and lady, and assist in rearing their children - and independent groups who toured as troubadours to make their living entertaining the populace at large.   And, as far as we can tell, in medieval England, the numbers were equally divided between male and female jesters.   The clearest indication we have is just one single historical document that recorded a census of household staff, and it recorded almost as many female jesters as male ones.

But it makes sense that  intelligent ladies would want to be jesters:  among their duties were singing, inventing stories to amuse young children, and act as a sort of bellwether in household and inter-household politicking of the day.  Tasks well suited to clever ladies, who had no real opportunity to find employment that would give full rein to their talents.

The easiest way to distinguish the professional jester from village idiots, was that the former, to a man (and woman) were shaven bald.  Hence the pied hat to protect the gleaming pate from the sun and from scorn.  But in fiction, we do not have to be that slavish to fact, and we may use our poetic license to endow our females with long flowing locks, if that is what we wish.

"This is all very fascinating, Dave, "I hear you say:  "But what on earth has it got to do with spankdom?"

A good question.   So here is the reveal:

The most frequently member of the household staff who went to the whipping post or birching block was the jester.  By far.  They were famed for the number of beatings they got in their professional careers.

Their quick tongues, and constant urging to be more outrageous, led them to an excess of invective that could only by atoned by a short, sharp, painful reminder to know where the line that should not be crossed was drawn.   (That last sentence is a tad poor on syntax, but you get the point).

Which means that we have a rich medieval source for investigating the power play between Dukes, Earls and their hapless (for me, female) jesters and the dance those jesters sometimes endured.   Have a look at No Jesting Matter if you would like to see what I did with the notion.   And if you need a kick of inspiration, do see what your muse can come up with on this track.

I is for Inspiration

You cannot rely on your muse to give you a never-ending supply of plots and plot twists:  muses seem to have their own agendas, which, as far as I can tell, includes long sabbaticals of vacations that leave you staring at your keyboard aghast at the lack of any words to type.

Sometimes our muse does work overtime on our behalf:  more than once I have woken with a complete short story sitting fresh in my mind, just waiting to be transcribed into word processed text.   Almost like a reader, simply following along what is predestined to happen.

But that is rare.   Two or three times for me, so far.

So what can one do to break spanker writer's block?

Personally, I find the photo-blogs to be a fine source of stimulating the creative juices.   It really does not matter which blog you use - they all seem to cycle through the same stock of photographs. 

The central core of a spanking story is the set up, execution and aftermath of one or more spankings.   To make the set up credible, we may need to provide background structure and believable motives.   Once we have got the miscreant spankee ready, the whopping itself rarely causes us problems.   And if the set up is believable and the spanking effective, the aftermath is often written on wordsmith auto-pilot, if you get my drift.

So - pick a photo that in some way intrigues you:  and try to explain what is happening.   Whose bottom is that?   And why is it getting whopped in that particular manner?   Work backwards to the events immediately prior to the spanking, and then backwards from there to how the whole think got set up in the first place.   One of my favorite characters - Megan - first saw the light of day by me using this exact process.

And sometimes the photo doesn't even have to be about spanking to set you off.   I once saw an ancient black and white photo of a uniformed young woman escorting a blond nude to some (off screen) location.   And in trying to explain to myself what might be going on, a whole novella about a Russian serf mixing it with cossacks and aristocrats rose out of the mist.   Ironically, the scene in the photo didn't actually happen in the tale - a more informal whopping took its place.

I suppose using photos  is a variation of "one picture is worth a thousand words."   So - there's a picture - now go and provide the thousand words it is equal to.

Another useful technique is to re-read your own old stuff.   This sometimes sets off a fresh line worthy of expending composition time over.  Mainly, I find, for adding extra episodes to a series of short stories - but - hey - if you have spanko block, getting it broken is the first order of business.

Personally, I find reading other spanking authors' works is extremely counter-productive as a source of inspiration:  as is watching videos.    For me, those avenues lead into the deadest of dead ends for inspiring creative thoughts.   Great entertainment, mind you:  just lousy for drumming up fresh thoughts of one's own.   For me, that is - if it works for you, more power to your key strokes!


Now I suggest you should trot over to the Incessantly Spanked blog for a different take on the letter "I"...

H is for Humor

Spanking is inherently humorous - and we spankos, in general, are noted for our good humored nature and outward going personalities.

And when writing spanko fiction, the urge to raise a laugh is always lingering near our fingertips.

But, by your leave, I would offer you counsel.   The standard spanking tale has its three classic stages:  the set up, the execution and the aftermath.   Most readers don't mind humor in the set up, and humor in the aftermath:  but are highly critical of humor in the execution.   The set up can easily be high slap stick, and the aftermath a kaleidoscope of wit:  but the spanking itself had better be told straight.   It would seem that for some readers (or to be more accurate, some of my readers) somethings are simply off limits for use as laugh material, and spankings themselves are tight inside that category.

Most of the time.

But from the comments it got, I got away with this one:



I looked at her buttocks.   The brush had created two large areas, one on each side, that were as bright a color as when I had completely finished yesterday.
I place the cool of the wood on top the angry red marks from that first swat.
I lifted my hand – and then a cell phone started to ring from somewhere in one of the pockets in her gingham dress.
“It’s my mother!” she gasped.  
She stood up, walked to and fro, while idly caressing her rump as she spoke.  “No, I didn't hear the phone.   I've just come out of the bathroom.   No, I'm OK.   Yes, I'd have phoned you if I'd thrown up again.  Yes, I promise.   Love you too.  Bye.”
She came back and lay over my lap again.
“Sorry about that.   It won’t happen again.”
I put my hand on to the far side of her waist, and pulled her in snug.   Skirt back up – two red oblong marks, one on each cheek.   The next stroke was going to land right on top of them…
“Ready?”
She nodded.
I lifted my arm – and then, downstairs, Sandy (our Airedale terrier) exploded into frantic barking and banging against the dining room French windows.
“Sheesh!” I said, as I stood Megan up.   “Don’t go away.”
I scampered down the stairs.   Sandy had spotted a squirrel on our lawn, and there would be no peace until he was let out to chase the intruder away.
When I got back, Megan had not moved from where I left her.
I smiled.   “No problem.   Let’s continue.”
She nodded and climbed back into position.
Skirt up, tap the target, lift the arm and … pause.
She looked up quizzically.
“Just making sure we are not going to get interrupted again.”
She smiled, nodded and dropped her head down.
I tensed up my forearm – and then, my desk phone started to ring.
“Jesus H Christ! “ I blasphemed.    Megan started to stand up.  “Don’t move!”  
I angled back and somehow got the phone to my ear.   “No!   I'm not sodding interested in new windows!   Sod off!”
I tried to slam the phone down, but it turned out to be harder than I thought when the cradle was at the limit of my arm’s reach.    After a short delay, I turned my attention back to Megan.
“Right!   I'll deliver the next four slaps come hell or high water.”
I was breathing heavily, and it dawned on me that my anger could result in Megan getting far more than she bargained for.
I waited just a few seconds, until my breathing had returned to normal, before resuming.
Her bare bottom still awaited my attention.   So - tap the target like this, and with no delay, swing back full stretch, and …. and then - the smoke alarm went off.
I jumped up and left Megan sprawled on the floor as I raced downstairs.   The kitchen was full of dark blue smoke and the smell of burnt milk was intense.   On the kitchen stove, a blacked saucepan was the source of it all.   Megan would have to do with cold milk with her cookies …
I filled the saucepan with cold water, with much sizzling and hissing.   Then, to stop the alarm, I used the simple old fashioned method of pulling out the batteries, and throwing them, with the alarm, into the trash can, with as much venom as I could muster.
I stormed back upstairs, and now Megan was visibly alarmed at my anger.
“Are you all right, Mister Brown?” she asked with some trepidation.
“Yes, yes.  I'm OK.   Don't worry.  I'll not vent my spleen on your rear.”
“If you want to vent your spleen, Mister Brown, I wouldn't want to stop you.”
“Just let’s get through the next four, and then we shall talk about it.”
She got back in position, skirt up, bottom bare, two red marks, and the brush lying on top of them.   I paused again to get my breath, and temper, under control.
A careful lift back to take aim – and then the front door bell rang.
“Ignore it, Mister Brown, they'll go away.”
I wasn’t just how far the loud crack would carry through the house, so lay the brush back on top of her bottom.   The bell rang again.
We waited.   More than long enough,   Whoever it was, they must have left by now.
I took careful aim again, and the bell rang again.
“They must know I'm here,” I said.   “I shall have to go and answer it.’
She nodded, stood up and pulled her panties up – in case my visitor, or visitors, had to come indoors.
I leaped casually down the stairs three at a time, and opened the front door, to find a young man and an elderly lady with bibles in one hand, leaflets in the other, and determined expressions on their faces.
“Sorry!” I blurted, “Family emergency!  Come back next week!”   Next week I would be many, many miles away from here.  Hah!  That would learn them.
Before they could respond, I slammed the door and raced back upstairs.
“Now – where were we?”
This time she pulled down her panties before climbing back over my lap.
“Ready?”
She nodded.
I took aim once more – and then she leaped off my knee, clutching her rump, and hopping from one foot to the other as she danced round the room.
“What is it?   What’s wrong?”
“Cramp.   I’ve got cramp in my butt!   I must have had it tensed up too tight for too long.”
I put the brush down.   After a couple of minutes she stopped the jogging around.
“Come on,” I said.   “The fates have got it in for us today.   I think you should trot off home.”

Sometimes we can smile at ourselves.   We just need to take care we do not do it all the time ...