We marry our partners because not marrying them would be the worse thing that could happen in our lives. In general - I suppose there are still some marriages of convenience, but in this modern age so few as to be left out of the equation. Being free agents, we enter into marriage because of all that our partner brings to complete the partnership, and regardless of any defects and faults that may be in the offing.
Which is why, for a number of reasons, we spankos end up marrying partners who are totally and rigorously committed to the vanilla side of the equation. Should they be coaxed into experimentation - and often we don't even bother trying any such coaxing - the experiment is so clearly a disaster, it is never tried a second time.
We accept that our soul mate is not into spanking, and that means there will be no spankings within the marrage.
But what about outside it? At what point does fulfilling a fetish stop being innocent entertainment and conduct that counts as infidelity?
Morality is not easy. Despite the attempts of the ancients to instill a unified code of correct conduct for human beings, morality is still a very personal scale of what is wrong and what is right. Most of us agree, even if only from a passing nod to the Golden Rule, that stealing is wrong. But any Tax Inspector will tell you that it is estimated that over 90% of tax returns show a liability to taxation than a more "correct" application of the tax code would have resulted in. And I am talking about blatant inflation of allowable expenses or reduction in declared income to achieve a lower taxation burden. As it is almost universal that you do not steal a widow's wedding ring for personal gain, telling lies on your tax return is fair game.
So - having a spanking partner outside of marriage. If you follow a Calvinistic or Puritanical way of thinking, you are definitely in breach of your marriage vows. And if not, the justification for satisfying your personal needs gets easier and easier the futher away you move from such arbitrary ways of thinking. Unless your relationship is so open, that the two of you have come to some understanding of what, and what is not, permitted and permissible. But since forgiveness is often easier to get than permission, perhaps the matter has not yet been broached.
In the absences of such an understanding, the first question to ask is whether your partner actually knows of your interest in spanking. The nearer the answer to that is "yes", the less deceipt that is likely to be in play. Second, if your partner caught you in the act, how angry would that partner be? The more certain the act would be forgiven and forgotten immediately, not only the less likely you deed would be seen as an infidelity, the less need you ought to have from keeping it a secret.
As one of my vanilla partners said "I don;\'t care where the hell you get your appetite from, provided that you always eat at home." Now, should you be -unlike me - one of those whose spanking activity invariably leads to an erotic episode with your spanking partner: well, perhaps marrying a vanilla was not the best decision you have ever made in your life. But you knew that without me being so tactless as to remind you of the fact,
In all things marital, we constantly interface with people outside the marital bond: I think both partners are entitled that the other do nothing in any of those interactions what would be seriously upsetting. For, to be quite candid, I would be seriously ticked off with my better half if I discovered she was indulging in her secret desires with some third party because she was too shy to tell me about her need for such indulgences, And under the sauce for the goose precept - knowing that keeps me within the clear and understood rules that my partner and I live our personal lives by,
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