If you are physically separated by double figure time zones from a potential partner, the likelihood of mutual play of one sort or another seems somewhat daunting. Unless, of course, one partner has - or can acquire - a Spank-O-Matic 2 (aka the SOM).
The concept is delightfully simple - one partner sits at a local P.C. console - taps an icon on the screen to hand, and then in a different continent, the SOM delivers the precise intensity of whack to the rump of the second partner - the intensity that was just decided by the first partner
But it is a voyage of discovery. And some potential interesting moments on the way. The American manufacturer of the SOM dispatched a discretely cardboard carton to Europe and a few days later it arrived in a Customs warehouse a few miles to the East of London.
When it arrived there, a Customs officer could have been heard asking, in the local argot, of the team: "Here, what is this?" He received a circle of shrugs by reply. "Here, what is this?" (or the equivalent phrases in email terminology) was addressed to the eager would-be importer.
The only way around the impasse, it was agreed, was a face-to-face encounter. "Yes, but what does it exactly do?" was the question eventually posed. The officer listened to the reply with a remarkable stony face, and his nearby colleagues studiously took on the air of those who had not managed to accidentally eavesdrop.
"Right," said the customers office with a certain twinkle in his eye. "I shall deem that this device is a personal massager. That way you will not have to pay any import duty on it." There was a pregnant pause. "But you will, of course, have to pay V.A.T."
There was an exchange of cash from one party and the box from the other. The SOM was now ready to go to its new home.
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